I’ve been talking back and forth to a guy a lot that I met on an online dating site. He wants to go out, but insists on going on a day date to grab a cup of coffee. Is this some sort of red flag? Why won’t he take me to dinner like a normal guy?
Mocha Frap in Jersey
Zach’s Enlightening Response
I personally can’t stand day dates. On a day date the worst case scenario is that you can’t stand the person you meet and you can’t even start drinking to amuse yourself. Unless of course you are going out with a wino or are a wino yourself. In the best case scenario you have a great connection, but daytime isn’t really conducive to letting that chemistry lead elsewhere. This is my personal opinion and why I choose not to partake in this liquor-less experiment in frustration.
All of that said…I don’t think it is a worry and contrary to my own practices, for some people it’s a good thing. From your date’s perspective he is probably trying to check and see if you are interesting enough to warrant a “real date”. This sounds cold and harsh, but if you have ever been stuck at dinner with a date who smells horrible, or who is less exciting then watching laundry dry, it makes sense. Consider it a meet and greet and if it goes well, he will of course want to take you out on something a bit more conducive to ”wooing you” and more exciting then a trip to starbucks (Unless he’s 80 or a mormon) If I were you, I’d grab a coffee and meet the dude and screen him too see if he’s worth your time to let him take you on a night date.
Jun 24, 2009 @ 17:55:57
Nowadays it seems more commonplace to meet for coffee instead of dinner. For many different reasons. One, he is probably making sure that you look like your pictures. Let’s face it. Many people put up pictures from years ago when they were younger, thinner, etc. He is also probably dating more than just one person, and thus it can get quite costly to go to dinner with each date. And lastly, he doesn’t want to be at dinner with someone that he ultimately may not be interested in. Coffee is a 1/2 hour tops but dinner can linger into an hour or more. Go have coffee with him see if it leads to a dinner date.
Jun 25, 2009 @ 18:11:13
He’s probably trying to make sure that both of you feel safe and comfortable! It’s NEVER a good idea to meet someone that you’ve been talking to online alone, or in a situation that can quickly go bad. A daytime date, with plenty of people around, and no dark corners conducive to lurking, is ideal for both parties. Coffee shops are neutral places to meet people. They’re busy enough that you won’t feel alone, yet they’re quiet enough that you can enjoy conversation. No one will feel threatened (after all, despite the conversations you’ve had, the REAL person is still a stranger) and if things go well, “real” dates will follow.
Now, if after the coffee date, he still doesn’t want to take you out for a night on the town, that’s probably a sign that he’s not interested.